I had a chance to talk about self-compassion, the first of my Seven Principles of Parting, when I was shooting this video series for Splitopia.com. As I explain here, while a lot of people think the first thing you should do, when facing divorce, is hire a lawyer, I think that's often the last thing you should do. Yes, you want to get information on the law and what you need to know about divorce in your state, but as research shows, the first thing many of us need to do to get through this incredibly difficult transition is commit to self-compassion.
Self-compassion is a three-part idea borrowed from Buddhism. It includes seeing your problems as part of the universal human struggle rather than some unique personal failing, remaining calm and mindful in the face of a negative experience rather than letting it overwhelm or define you, and viewing yourself with understanding and forgiveness.
In one of the most interesting studies done on positive divorce recuperation, by David Sbarra at the University of Arizona, self-compassion correlated most strongly with positive divorce recuperation.
Unlike eye color or height, self-compassion is not a fixed quality. Self-compassion can be built.
Watch here to learn more.
To see parts 3 and 4, check out my YouTube channel for the next installment.