I have kids and want to make the process of divorce as collaborative as possible with my ex. But when I try to do research online, it seems like everyone is trying to sell me something, when all I really want is some hard-and-fast information about the new, "Good Divorce." What are some good resources for getting through a divorce?
—Drowning In Information
Yes! There are a lot of companies trying to cash in on the "good divorce" movement. Check out this article I wrote for The New York Observer on divorce as the new cottage industry. It includes information about some of the recently created co-parenting apps, lawyer referral companies and dating-after-divorce sites. These can be helpful for families during the tough transition of divorce and thereafter.
Here are some of my favorites:
- SupportPay.com is essentially a banking site that is a great way to process child support payments without all the emotion involved. The woman who started it is on a mission to prevent fighting over money and the emotional fallout of this on children.
- OurFamilyWizard.com is the oldest, classic site for co-parenting. Some courts mandate it for couples who are fighting because it has a tone meter that alerts you to when your "tone" might incite a fight.
- A newer site trying to take the tone meter mobile is Coparenter.com. I know one of the guys who started this site, and he's really dedicated to protecting children and parents from the emotional destruction of the bad divorce.
- Every state has some kind of child or parenting workshop, and people like them. Look online or ask your lawyer or therapist for suggestions.
- One of the best workshops is something called Sandcastles by M. Gary Neuman, and his book is great: Helping Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way.
- A great resource for parents of young kids is Sesame Street.org's Little Kids, Big Challenges: Divorce "toolkit."
Here are a few more resources I just learned about. If you use any of these, let me know what you think!
- Family Kind is focused on mediation and has resources and events.
- DivorceCare is a Christian ministry, helping people create support groups within a church.
- Sister to Sister is a divorce-support service for Orthodox Jewish women. It offers online chats, events and support.
A lot of life coaches do divorce coaching now, which can be super, super helpful. Collaborative Divorce and Mediation are key resources, when it comes to the legal side. Need help with mediation? There's an app for that. Check out this article I wrote on new divorce apps paving the way for smarter, easier collaboration through technology.
We'll be putting up a resource page on Splitopia.com, so check back here for more ideas.
Wendy Paris is the author of Splitopia: Dispatches from Today's Good Divorce and How to Part Well (Simon & Schuster/Atria, 2016). Splitopia and her work on divorce have been covered by The New York Times, Real Simple, The Washington Post, The New York Post, The Globe & Mail, Psychology Today, The Houston Chronicle, Salon.com, Parents.com, Family Law Quarterly, PsychCentral.com and radio and TV shows nationwide. She has an MFA in creative nonfiction writing from Columbia University, and is an advocate for family law reform. She is divorced, and lives in Santa Monica, California, a few blocks from her former husband, with whom she has a warm co-parenting relationship.